Disclaimer: This post is inspired by my own experience. Other people's might be different. This can be a hella biased or just call this a rant piece.

Ahh.. toxic people, sebuah momok di dalam sebuah relationship. Be it your friends, family, colleagues, bosses, classmates, or lovers.

I recently had to separate myself from 2 people whom I thought were toxic. The funny thing is they're the ones who cut off any sort of contacts with me including blocking me from their social media. 

I want to be adopt the "oh well, good riddance" attitude or be the so-called "higher individual", but I'm not that kind of person anymore, maybe in the past, but not right now. Yes, I'm being petty. 

I'm saying they're the toxic ones not just from my perspective, but from my other friends' as well. Kelakuan mereka adalah selalu playing victim even though they're the ones who are in the wrong. Yang jadi korban ke-toxic-an mereka juga nggak cuma gue, ada beberapa. So I'm not making up stories.

Tapi salah satu dari mereka sadar kalau dia toxic, tapi nggak mau ngeberesin perilakunya dia. Padahal salah satu temen gue udah offer untuk nemenin dia ke professional (psychologist/psychiatrist/therapist) bahkan sampe mau bayarin, tapi dia nggak mau dengan berbagai macam alasan yang nggak jelas. I know some people are apprehensive or even scared of going to therapy. But kalo lo udah merugikan banyak pihak, dan pihak-pihak yang lo rugikan itu mau membantu lo sampe segitunya. The least you can do is..accept the help.. maybe...I don't know.

The other one, doesn't realize it at all. It just makes me wanna whack them in the head.

I'm also aware that mereka berlaku seperti itu karena faktor-faktor tertentu, biasanya keluarga. Untuk itulah karena gue tau background mereka gue memaklumi perilaku mereka. Kasihan sebenernya. 

Tetapi semakin tua my tolerance towards those kinds of people is wearing thin. I just don't want to deal with them, I'm nearing 30 (yikes), I don't condone such behavior anymore. Especially jika mereka seumuran atau bahkan lebih tua. You're a full-grown adult, deal with your own problems. 

I know I can be toxic too sometimes. I can be selfish, self-centered judgemental prick, but I try my best not to show it. At least I try. So... kudos for me... maybe?

Maybe the silver lining is that God separates me from those people so I don't hold grudges. It is time for my to focus on myself. Thankfully, I'm surrounded by people who actually care about me, or at the very least tidak mencari gara-gara sama gue. I don't have any ill-wishes or pray that they live miserable lives. It's the other way around, I wish they can find themselves and resolve those things that make them behave that way. Because honestly, dealing with toxic people is emotionally draining. If you have seen What We Do in the Shadows The Series, there are energy vampires, they suck the life and joy out of you. And it feels exactly like that. 

From my experience, dealing with toxic people increases my anxiety. In the name of friendship, I couldn't say no to them. God, even thinking about that person makes my hands all cold and sweaty. I still have vivid nightmares about them. I'm that traumatized. 

So if you find traits on someone you know who is:

1. Selfish - Maunya dingertiin, dibantuin, pokoknya seakan-akan dunia revolves around them. Tapi dia tidak mau melakukan hal yang sama.  
2. Thinking that everyone else is wrong, they're always right. They are ALWAYS the victims. Everyone is out to get them.
3. Tidak melihat keadaan dalam berperilaku. Tiba-tiba marah sendiri pas lagi ngumpul, curhat saat kita sedang sakit atau ditimpa musibah, dll.
4. Not familiar with concept of reciprocal. 
5. Seeing people not as human beings, tetapi kesempatan. Will that person benefit me?

Sure everyone has their own negative traits. Tapi menurut gue, bagaimana dia menghandle perilaku-perilaku tersebut. Toxic people don't give a dang about other people's feelings, they behave as what their hearts desire.

So again, based on my experience. Just leave them. There is no need to linger with those kind of people. Except if you are a saint who is trying to change them. I admire that. But for me, I'm done.     

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Toxic People